"It was one of those nights when you make twenty phone calls just to stay alive."

I got the phone call a week ago.
"Alaina, Josh and I are coming home. His dad passed away."
For that brief moment, I didn't know if I wanted to be happy that I got to see my sister and brother-in-law, or if I wanted to be upset because of the reason they were finally returning back home for a week after almost 2 long years.
The week passed quickly after they arrived. I got to spend some days with them, which I enjoyed. But I knew it wasn't permanent. Nothing ever really is when you have a brother-in-law in the army, and a sister who's married to him.
Friday finally comes. All day I had this knot in my stomach knowing that later on that evening, I had to say good-bye. Again.
Most people say it gets easier with time. I'd disagree.
I remember the date. June 10th, 2005. Lauren was moving 6,000 miles away to be with the man she was going to marry. I couldn't blame her. Usually, you'd read something like that in some love story. But for her case, it was real. But needless to say, as we sat at the terminal gates, it was the hardest thing I had to do in all my years of living. As I watched her walk through all of the security gates, I saw her slowing disappear in the crowds of people. Or maybe it was my eyes filling with tears that made her hard to see after awhile. It's never easy, and never will be, to say good-bye to someone you care about so much.
So here we all were. Sitting in the kitchen, reminiscing about old times, talking about the future. Or at least what's supposed to happen
As I pour some soda into a cup, I watch the fizz form into the glass while everyone starts moving towards the living room.
"We're going to have to leave in about ten minutes" She said quietly while walking from the kitchen into the living room.
"We wanted to get some pictures," she said. "I have a big picture frame back home. It's been hanging on my wall with those cheesy pictures that come with the frame. They look like you guys!" she said with a sarcastic tone in her voice, trying to ease the mood.
As I sat there in silence, trying my best to smile in the pictures, I couldn't get my mind off of the countdown she had left lingering in my head. Ten minutes turned to seven. Seven turned to three. Three turned to seconds.
"We better get going now. We have a long drive home, then we have to get up early to make it to the airport in time."
I see my mother exiting the room and heading down the hall, trying to get away for a brief moment. I knew exactly where she was going. Her eyes filled with tears as if those few words were the most heartbreaking words she had ever heard. But being a mother, I guess they would be heartbreaking.
As my father hugged her, trying to be as strong as possible, my mother returns. Tears in her eyes, as I knew there would be.
"Please call." She said in a weary tone.
"I will!" My sister said back.
"I mean it, Lauren. Call tonight, or tomorrow before you leave. And again when you finally get back home," my mother insisted.
My dad backs away from hugging her. Then my mother gives her a hug as well.
I felt the tears forming in my eyes. I'd been trying to hold it off all night. I felt my lungs closing up and I couldn't speak.
I walked out into the kitchen, trying to pull myself together and knowing that they soon would walk through there to leave.
As they appeared, I tried my hardest to keep myself from crying once more. I hugged her, then hugged Josh.
I walk outside with them to their car.
"Hopefully you enjoy this cold weather!" Lauren said.
"What are you talking about? Summer's almost here!" I said back. She smiled. She must have knew I was trying my hardest to avoid that it was good-bye, once again.
But before I knew it, I was waving them off with tears rolling down my face, not really knowing for sure when the next time I'd see them.




I'd like to say I'm getting better at coping with the whole situation, but I'd be lying.

Things have changed, once again.
I don't need to list the changes, cause I'm sure those changes will change once more.

Summer's almost here though, that'll be sweet.
It's kind of weird that I'll actually be a senior next year.
I still don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Maybe photography, maybe broadcasting, maybe.. I don't know. Which is right because, I don't know.

Ohhhhhhhhh Lord.

It's been awhile.
I figured I'd start writing in this again.
I probably won't keep up with it much though.


So, life's good.
I've met some pretty cool people in the past 6 months or so and I'm glad about that.
Jessa, being one. She's basically just like me. Hell, we even look the same. We met under some pretty shitty circumstances, but I'm so glad it happened.
Heather. I've known her for awhile, but we recently became close. I LOVE THE SHIT OUTTA HER.
Mark is another person I met. He's amazing, hands down.
Ben. Benny Ben Ben BenJammin'. Haha he's so fun to be around, I love that boy.
Max. Little lady! He's become one of my good friends and he's the maaaaan, pretty much.
There's a few more, which of course, I love and adore. :]

I think, in my opinion, I've matured a lot.
If you look at me this time last year and compare me it to the person I am now, I'm a chaaaaanged person. Haha.

Lauren is still in Hawaii.
I haven't seen her in.. hell. I don't even know. I don't like thinking about that.

I'm done for now.

so, summer's been alright.
i can't really say anything exciting has happened though.

charlie and i don't really talk anymore.
it's a long story, but, in a nutshell, i was honest with him and he took it the wrong way.

camp is coming up soon.
july 23rd.
i can't wait to get away for a week.
seriously, everything here has been annoying me lately.

yesterday was the punchline, head automatica, taking back sunday, the subways, angels and airwaves show.
did i go? no.
i really wanted to though.
it really sucks not being able to drive.

erin comes home on the 16th of august.
finallllllllllllly.

lauren has been gone for a year on june 10th.
and lauren and josh have been married for a year on june 16th.
it hasn't even seemed that long.
i still fucking miss her like crazy though.


i'm done here.

so, summer vacation is finally here.
i didn't do much yet which is gaygaygay.
lastnight was probably the first time i've actually been out all summer.
i picked up Kate and Sarah and we went over to Brandons party.
not too many people went which was cool cause i usually hate big crowds.
i didn't drink much for some reason, but kate and sarah did.
sarah's a horrible drunk, i love it.
kate just laughs at everything, which i love too.


i haven't been to any shows lately since Erin left.
i miss her alot. she's like my other big sister.



so me and Charlie are talking more.
i honestly don't know where this one is going.
he treats me with more respect then any boy ever has and i'm not used to it.
but i guess we'll see where it takes me.


i'm still hoping i can get out to Hawaii to see Lauren this summer.
yesterday has been a year since she moved and it sucks.


well, i think that's all.

fancy seeing you here.



erin moved to england until august 16th and it's killing me.
i'm still jobless.
and summer vacation is 4 days away.






boy: fuck that, i'm not just saying that at all! i love you
alaina avalanche: :[
boy: don't frown!! i'm serious alaina!!!
alaina avalanche: are you drinking?
boy: i'm not drunk yet. and last night when i told you i love you, i hadn't had a a beer in 6 hours
boy: i fuckin love you ok. i have since i started telling you that and will never stop. sure, a few things may get in our way once in awhile but i always will
alaina avalanche: i hate never knowing what to say
boy: how can you not know what to say?
alaina avalanche: i don't know
alaina avalanche: we've just been like this for like a year now
alaina avalanche: well, atleast i have
boy: alright, well lets just forget about this conversation




i wish i wasn't worth anyone's time.





where are my friends? i miss them.

HI!
I'M IN LIBRARY WITH MY BEST FRIENDS.






and there's this kid with a fucked up voice and a puberty mustache.
fucking.. gross.

holy shit, i haven't updated in awhile.


but then again, i don't need to.

it's amazing how things can change in some 20 odd days.


me and tom are together now.
he's scandlous. :]


i've been to shitloads of shows lately, as usual.
mae, the audition, just surrender, houston calls, tokyo rose, head automatica, morningwood, we are the fury, and that's all i can really remember, but there's probably more?


so i'm planning on going out to hawaii to visit everyone in july for a few weeks, so i'm excited for that.
then at the end of july is a.d.a. week, so i'll be in slippery rock for that seeing all of my favorite betes kids in the woooooooorld!
then sometime during july, tom, another friend of mine, is supposed to fly in from england :]
so basicly, the month of july is packed for me.
the only bad part is that i won't be around for warped tour fjgfjkgs dammmmmnit.

there's only about 50some days of school left.
this year's going so fast, thank god.
now i only have 2 more years of school left and that scares me a lot.
i still have no clue on what i plan on doing.