Alaina

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 20:16:06 GMT

"It was one of those nights when you make twenty phone calls just to stay alive."

Sat, 19 May 2007 04:35:38 GMT

I got the phone call a week ago.
"Alaina, Josh and I are coming home. His dad passed away."
For that brief moment, I didn't know if I wanted to be happy that I got to see my sister and brother-in-law, or if I wanted to be upset because of the reason they were finally returning back home for a week after almost 2 long years.
The week passed quickly after they arrived. I got to spend some days with them, which I enjoyed. But I knew it wasn't permanent. Nothing ever really is when you have a brother-in-law in the army, and a sister who's married to him.
Friday finally comes. All day I had this knot in my stomach knowing that later on that evening, I had to say good-bye. Again.
Most people say it gets easier with time. I'd disagree.
I remember the date. June 10th, 2005. Lauren was moving 6,000 miles away to be with the man she was going to marry. I couldn't blame her. Usually, you'd read something like that in some love story. But for her case, it was real. But needless to say, as we sat at the terminal gates, it was the hardest thing I had to do in all my years of living. As I watched her walk through all of the security gates, I saw her slowing disappear in the crowds of people. Or maybe it was my eyes filling with tears that made her hard to see after awhile. It's never easy, and never will be, to say good-bye to someone you care about so much.
So here we all were. Sitting in the kitchen, reminiscing about old times, talking about the future. Or at least what's supposed to happen
As I pour some soda into a cup, I watch the fizz form into the glass while everyone starts moving towards the living room.
"We're going to have to leave in about ten minutes" She said quietly while walking from the kitchen into the living room.
"We wanted to get some pictures," she said. "I have a big picture frame back home. It's been hanging on my wall with those cheesy pictures that come with the frame. They look like you guys!" she said with a sarcastic tone in her voice, trying to ease the mood.
As I sat there in silence, trying my best to smile in the pictures, I couldn't get my mind off of the countdown she had left lingering in my head. Ten minutes turned to seven. Seven turned to three. Three turned to seconds.
"We better get going now. We have a long drive home, then we have to get up early to make it to the airport in time."
I see my mother exiting the room and heading down the hall, trying to get away for a brief moment. I knew exactly where she was going. Her eyes filled with tears as if those few words were the most heartbreaking words she had ever heard. But being a mother, I guess they would be heartbreaking.
As my father hugged her, trying to be as strong as possible, my mother returns. Tears in her eyes, as I knew there would be.
"Please call." She said in a weary tone.
"I will!" My sister said back.
"I mean it, Lauren. Call tonight, or tomorrow before you leave. And again when you finally get back home," my mother insisted.
My dad backs away from hugging her. Then my mother gives her a hug as well.
I felt the tears forming in my eyes. I'd been trying to hold it off all night. I felt my lungs closing up and I couldn't speak.
I walked out into the kitchen, trying to pull myself together and knowing that they soon would walk through there to leave.
As they appeared, I tried my hardest to keep myself from crying once more. I hugged her, then hugged Josh.
I walk outside with them to their car.
"Hopefully you enjoy this cold weather!" Lauren said.
"What are you talking about? Summer's almost here!" I said back. She smiled. She must have knew I was trying my hardest to avoid that it was good-bye, once again.
But before I knew it, I was waving them off with tears rolling down my face, not really knowing for sure when the next time I'd see them.

I'd like to say I'm getting better at coping with the whole situation, but I'd be lying.

Thu, 03 May 2007 01:55:05 GMT

Things have changed, once again.
I don't need to list the changes, cause I'm sure those changes will change once more.

Summer's almost here though, that'll be sweet.
It's kind of weird that I'll actually be a senior next year.
I still don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Maybe photography, maybe broadcasting, maybe.. I don't know. Which is right because, I don't know.

Ohhhhhhhhh Lord.

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 04:17:29 GMT

It's been awhile.
I figured I'd start writing in this again.
I probably won't keep up with it much though.

So, life's good.
I've met some pretty cool people in the past 6 months or so and I'm glad about that.
Jessa, being one. She's basically just like me. Hell, we even look the same. We met under some pretty shitty circumstances, but I'm so glad it happened.
Heather. I've known her for awhile, but we recently became close. I LOVE THE SHIT OUTTA HER.
Mark is another person I met. He's amazing, hands down.
Ben. Benny Ben Ben BenJammin'. Haha he's so fun to be around, I love that boy.
Max. Little lady! He's become one of my good friends and he's the maaaaan, pretty much.
There's a few more, which of course, I love and adore. :]

I think, in my opinion, I've matured a lot.
If you look at me this time last year and compare me it to the person I am now, I'm a chaaaaanged person. Haha.

Lauren is still in Hawaii.
I haven't seen her in.. hell. I don't even know. I don't like thinking about that.

I'm done for now.

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 00:24:04 GMT

so, summer's been alright.
i can't really say anything exciting has happened though.

charlie and i don't really talk anymore.
it's a long story, but, in a nutshell, i was honest with him and he took it the wrong way.

camp is coming up soon.
july 23rd.
i can't wait to get away for a week.
seriously, everything here has been annoying me lately.

yesterday was the punchline, head automatica, taking back sunday, the subways, angels and airwaves show.
did i go? no.
i really wanted to though.
it really sucks not being able to drive.

erin comes home on the 16th of august.
finallllllllllllly.

lauren has been gone for a year on june 10th.
and lauren and josh have been married for a year on june 16th.
it hasn't even seemed that long.
i still fucking miss her like crazy though.

i'm done here.

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 03:37:34 GMT

so, summer vacation is finally here.
i didn't do much yet which is gaygaygay.
lastnight was probably the first time i've actually been out all summer.
i picked up Kate and Sarah and we went over to Brandons party.
not too many people went which was cool cause i usually hate big crowds.
i didn't drink much for some reason, but kate and sarah did.
sarah's a horrible drunk, i love it.
kate just laughs at everything, which i love too.

i haven't been to any shows lately since Erin left.
i miss her alot. she's like my other big sister.

so me and Charlie are talking more.
i honestly don't know where this one is going.
he treats me with more respect then any boy ever has and i'm not used to it.
but i guess we'll see where it takes me.

i'm still hoping i can get out to Hawaii to see Lauren this summer.
yesterday has been a year since she moved and it sucks.

well, i think that's all.

Mon, 29 May 2006 19:48:48 GMT

fancy seeing you here.

erin moved to england until august 16th and it's killing me.
i'm still jobless.
and summer vacation is 4 days away.

boy: fuck that, i'm not just saying that at all! i love you
alaina avalanche: :[
boy: don't frown!! i'm serious alaina!!!
alaina avalanche: are you drinking?
boy: i'm not drunk yet. and last night when i told you i love you, i hadn't had a a beer in 6 hours
boy: i fuckin love you ok. i have since i started telling you that and will never stop. sure, a few things may get in our way once in awhile but i always will
alaina avalanche: i hate never knowing what to say
boy: how can you not know what to say?
alaina avalanche: i don't know
alaina avalanche: we've just been like this for like a year now
alaina avalanche: well, atleast i have
boy: alright, well lets just forget about this conversation

i wish i wasn't worth anyone's time.

where are my friends? i miss them.

Mon, 08 May 2006 12:42:12 GMT

HI!
I'M IN LIBRARY WITH MY BEST FRIENDS.

and there's this kid with a fucked up voice and a puberty mustache.
fucking.. gross.

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 12:36:32 GMT

holy shit, i haven't updated in awhile.

but then again, i don't need to.

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 20:05:20 GMT

it's amazing how things can change in some 20 odd days.

me and tom are together now.
he's scandlous. :]

i've been to shitloads of shows lately, as usual.
mae, the audition, just surrender, houston calls, tokyo rose, head automatica, morningwood, we are the fury, and that's all i can really remember, but there's probably more?

so i'm planning on going out to hawaii to visit everyone in july for a few weeks, so i'm excited for that.
then at the end of july is a.d.a. week, so i'll be in slippery rock for that seeing all of my favorite betes kids in the woooooooorld!
then sometime during july, tom, another friend of mine, is supposed to fly in from england :]
so basicly, the month of july is packed for me.
the only bad part is that i won't be around for warped tour fjgfjkgs dammmmmnit.

there's only about 50some days of school left.
this year's going so fast, thank god.
now i only have 2 more years of school left and that scares me a lot.
i still have no clue on what i plan on doing.

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 19:23:48 GMT

i'll be deleting this soon.

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 05:00:38 GMT

i've been really happy lately.
i have amazing best friends.
i'm actually doing good in school.
and there's a whole line up of shows i'm going to from now until like summer.
it makes me smile ridiculously.

oh, and there's kinda this boy...... we're cute. but i'm doubting that it's going anywhere.
silly silly silly.

a lot has happened, but i just don't feel like typing it all out at the moment.
i'll catch up on this some other time.

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 01:32:05 GMT

LISTEN UP!!!

I'm currently in a hardcore/screamo/christian rock band.
We call ourselves Adam and Emo.
Kate Martin; Maracas.
Erin Burns; Kazoo.
Sarah Hensel; Tamborine.
Myself; Cowbell.
Check us out on purevolume in a couple weeks.
Also, soon to be on MTV's Spankin' New Music Week.
Inspirations; Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and the priest at St. Mary's.

GET WITH THE PROGRAM, SON!

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 20:57:34 GMT

i'm not too big on Yellowcard, but today, i've been listening to this song nonstop.

"i'm just so tired
won't you sing me to sleep
fly through my dreams so i can hitch a ride with you tonight
and get away from this place, have a new name and face
i just ain't the same without you in my life
late night drives all alone in my car
i can't help but start singing lines from all our favorite songs
and melodies in the air, singing, life just ain't fair
but sometimes i still just can't believe you're gone
and i'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven
then we will make it through one more year, down here
feel your fire, when it's cold in my heart
and things sorta start reminding me of my last night with you
i only need one more day, just one more chance to say
i wish that i had gone up with you too
you won't be coming back and i didn't get to say goodbye
i really wish i got to say goodbye
i hope that all is well in heaven cause it's all shot to hell down here
i hope that i find you in heaven cause i'm so lost without you down here"

so yeah.
it's been one year since Pudge died.
that boy taught me so much within the few years that i knew him that it'd be impossible to ever forget him.
it doesn't seem real still to this day.
i rememeber how everything happened that day exactly.
something that'll replay in my mind all the time until the day i die.

Rest in Peace, Jason "Pudge" Schroyer
5.17.82 - 1.9.05

Sat, 07 Jan 2006 01:41:30 GMT

i guess i'll update?

so it's been.. i don't know how long. i'll just start off with my birthday.
so it was the 19th and it went pretty good.
i spent it at the show with my best friends and had a lovely time :)
well.. for the most part it was lovely.

Christmas was good i guess? i didn't get much and i wasn't expecting much either. nor did i tell anyone what i actually wanted so i pretty much got money, clothes, and some other acessories. but that's fine with me.
Lauren wasn't there of course, which sucked. so i ended up spending most of Christmas with Jordan and Eli. 3 and 6 year olds couldn't make me any more happier sometimes.

New Years went swell. i drank and so did everyone else. but everyone else decided to fall asleep by 1 a.m. and i stayed up 'til about 5. wtf is that?

i had a doctors appt. yesterday down in Pittsburgh. it fucking lasted 4 hours. 4 HOURS. anyways, i'm doing better i guess? i can't attempt to get my permit until April which is prettttty gay. but it's good incentive to take care of myself and actually try to stay alive.
but i still have a gut feeling i won't be living to see my 50th birthday and that scares me more than anything.

i'm going to the Just Surrender/AFFG show tomorrow with Sarah, Kate, and Heather i think. i'm not sure who's really going though.

mmmmbye.

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 20:31:25 GMT

i guess i'll explain my eventful weekend because i have nothing better to do.

Thursday our vacation began and after school Gemma, Anthony, and Bre came and picked me up and we went up to Uniontown for chinese food and random shopping. so we we're in this store and this little 3 year old was trying to get her mother's attention. and what does the mother do? slaps her across the face.. hard.
I FUCKING FLIPPED.. inside my body though. i didn't feel like fighting with some random multi-colored weaved hair huge pretzel eating lady at that moment. but i'd like to go back and beat the bitch up, that's for sure. i hate when people do that shit in public like it's a pretty thing.
afterwards, we went back to Gemma's and hung out and eventually went to sleep.
so now some more fun..
me and Gemma woke up on Friday and headed back down to her apartment in Pittsburgh with Hailey and Paul.
so Gemma calls Jesse.. well, let me tell you who Jesse is first.
in a nutshell, he's a worthless peice of shit and a pathological liar.
so Gemma calls him and they both agreed on returning each others belongings that night.
so we drop his stuff off while he's at work and Gemma gets her shit and we leave.

this morning and 6 a.m., Gemma gets a phone call from him.
flipping out on her because he has nothing better to do i suppose?
so he calls her worthless, jealous, pretty much anything mean you can say to a person.

now, we're finally on out way home around 9 a.m. and he fucking calls her again.
flipping out 2349732 times worse now because the his playstation 2 wasn't returned to him.
WHIP DE FUCKING DO YOU STUPID BASTARD.
seriously, i hate this boy with a passion. A FUCKING PASSION.
to break up with someone you've been best friends with for so long and be as ignorant as he is to Gemma..
well fuck, NO WONDER YOUR REAL FAMILY DOESNT WANT TO SEE YOU ON CHRISTMAS LET ALONE YOUR FOSTER FAMILY.
i regret ever calling you my friend. i hope you have a horrible life.
KTHXDIE!

oh yeah, Merry Christmas everyone.

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 03:27:43 GMT

so my birthday went awesomely.
thank you to everyone who made it rule.

so i went to the AAR/TAI show lastnight with Sarah, Erin, Kate, Jake, and Dylan.
both bands played pretty good.
we drank on the way down. well.. jake drank mostly.
we got there about 30 minutes before they opened the doors and we didnt feel like standing in -23767 degree weather so we sat in the car and had a grand ol' time.

so we finally get in and i see Lauren and talked with her for awhile.
then the show started and we danced around and such.

so after the show, we leave and go out to Eat N Park.
that's always fun.
especially when you're with drunk people.

k. so. that's all i feel like writing.

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 20:17:28 GMT

happy birthday to me.

tonight just may be the best night of my life <3

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 22:42:32 GMT

my mother told me this today..

"you're a fucking whore and i can't stand you much longer. i want you to move out cause i could care less about you. the only daughter i ever really cared about moved clear to Hawaii."

how's about them apples?
yeah. she'll regret it one day.
every other fucking kid she raised in this house moved out, so she shouldnt expect any different from me.
my dad even joined in on the arguement tonight. took my side, thank god.

anyways tonight is Jens party :)
tomorrow is a random celebration for my birthday
sunday is.. i don't know.
then monday is my actual birthday. and the aar show. and the best night of my life <3

k, i'm done.

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 02:51:38 GMT

my grandma's party was cool.
i mean, what do you do for a lady turning 79?
and who the fuck orders pineapple pizza, honestly.
i did get to hang out with Ty and Maddy though which was.. tiring.
who knew 2 and 4 year olds could be so cool?

Monday was pretty.. weird.
Dylan fell in lunch and it had to be the 12th best thing in the world.
then Sarah and I stayed after to retake our history test and afterwards we headed back to her house.
we tried watching Elf, but i eventually passed out about 30 minutes into the movie.
so my dad picked me up from Sarahs and took me to the emergency room.
it sucked real fucking bad.
don't worry about what happened.

so there's not much going on this week, i guess?
this weekend should be pretty sweet though :)
friday is the lovely Jenny's party, then saturday if my friends are up to it, i want to go out for my birthday. you know, get dressed up all fancy and then go to some stupid place to eat. maybe even see a movie. saying that suddenly made me realize how much i want a boyfriend to spend time with. fucking a.
anyways, sunday i don't know what's up. but i'm sure there will be something to do.

then Monday.. oh boy Monday.
it's my birthday and the AAR, TAI.., and Rooney show.
there's so many people going that i know to this one, it's kind of weird.
i had something to look forward to going there too. shit.. maybe i still do.
but as of right now, he has decided not to talk to me.
wonderful. :/
all i want is the day of my birthday to go smooth.

so i've decided to make a simple New Years Revolution.
i'm going to start caring.
caring for people, myself, anything.
something i haven't done since i was a little girl.. or maybe i haven't cared all my life. either way, i'm going to start.
i've realized how many people actually cared about me, and i wouldn't even give them the time of day.
i'm sorry for that.

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 23:30:33 GMT

i'm sick still.
good golly.

so friday i skipped school. we had a delay and no one planned on going so i said fucccck that and just stayed here all day.
i did go shopping that night though. splurged 200 dollars on myself which was quite weird. i never have that much cash.
but i got my ears pierced. well, the third wholes.
then i bought some rings, jeans, polos, hoodies, and some other random things. good times, good times.

today i had to go to Dave & Busters for some holiday party for my dads work. i thought it was going to pretty much blow, but it wasnt too bad.
powercards + me = love. really, i could gamble all day.

so in a little bit i have to go to my grandmothers birthday party.
honestly, what kind of old people still have parties? THE TOTALLY AWESOME KIND.. like her.
then i might go to Sarah's for the night! :)

k. i'm done.

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 20:38:35 GMT

this can't be happening.. :/

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 21:46:38 GMT

so there's not much to talk about, really.
i've been.. better.

i went to a show this past Friday with Sarah, Kate, and Erin. it was badass.
my mother wants me to get my monroe pierced for christmas. wtf? shouldn't i be asking her for that?

i need to get my permit book soon so i can go get my permit after i have my doctors appointment in January.
i swear, if i'm not better by now, there will be hell to pay. i need to go places this summer and shit. i don't have time to sit around and wait for a doctor to control my every move.
nevermind. yes i do. otherwise, i'd be dead. or somewhere close to that.

this is random, but i need to get it out.
i'm done pretending that i don't know what shit you pull behind my back to satisfy you.
fuck off and forget me. god knows that won't be hard for you. thanks.

ANYWAYS.
i'm sick and i sound like a 60 year old lady at bingo who eats cigarettes.
attractive? yeah.

oh yeah, i just talked to scott. he's supposed to go to the show on the 19th!
i haven't seen him since summer. i was with him for a week and i said a whole 5 words to him because i was a bitch. i forget why. sorry about that, kid. :\

i think i might go job hunting tonight.
nah. i'll wait it off until next week.

i think i'm done rambling now.

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 21:02:49 GMT

i don't know where i left off.
i'll just go with Saturday night, i guess.

i was supposed to go to Greensburg with Sarah and Kate, but my mother had to be a fuckass and ruin my plans, so i ended up going to late night bingo with Sarah and yes.. the stupid fuckass herself.

we didn't win anything and my mom kept falling asleep, which pissed me off.
and what's with the old ladies never shutting the hell up?
and old people with good luck crap.
yeah, that's why none of them won either.
except the lady that talked a lot. cunt.

wow. i'm mean. i take that back.. a little bit.

Sunday was chaos. and i didn't get to hang out with Jeff, again. shfbsdkhfhfgge sorry.
i ended up highlighting my hair though. i hate it too.

Monday i went to some thrift stores and the mall.
gaygaygay that's for sure.
my brother and dad both shot a deer.. if you're into that kind of shit.

now today..
i had school. and let me tell you.. they dirtiness of connellsville area high school kids is about 95%
and you can bet your ass i'm one of the 5% clean kids.
i found out some interesting news too.. it kind of made me want to throw up a little.

i'm done i think.
KTHXDIE.
i mean.. seeya.

p.s. i'm sorry for cussing so much in this entry. i need to work on that.

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 19:44:15 GMT

well..

yesterday i went to Uniontown to get tickets for the shows on 12/2 and 12/19!
i'm pretty damn excited, that's for sure.
so after wards we went to the mall and got stuck there until fucking 7 o'clock.
5 hours in a shitty mall is not good at all.
Brandon was working so we went and visited him, then we saw Addison, Ashley, Allie, Kenzi, Slade, Tyler, and about 5 other kids i don't talk to.
then Dave came and hung out with us for a little bit which was grand.
then we sat in Borders and read "He's Just Not That Into You" which is like my Bible.
so we finally get out of Uniontown and go to Bud's.
we made a huge straw and talked about.. crap.
we had a crazy waitress and i wanted to be bffs with her.
and my mom takes good pictures when she has beer in her.

around 4 a.m. Lauren called me drunk and asked me for all of her friends phone numbers like i was supposed to know them?
then she called back and told me what she was getting me for Christmas and asked me if i still wanted to move in with her. (which earlier that night, oddly enough, my parents were talking about moving)

so yeah..
i just may be moving 6,000 miles away from here to Hawaii.
whether it be temporary or forever, i'm doing it.
so come spring/summer time.. you won't see me.